Friday, February 12, 2010

The SADDEST day..................

Yesterday morning my phone rang way too early.  It's never been a good thing to hear it ring before 4AM on the house phone.  As I looked through squinted eyes at the caller ID, it was my mom.  I knew immediately something was terribly wrong...  I just could not comprehend how terrible this day would be.  When I answered the phone, all I could hear was the uncontrollable sobs that my neice (my brother's oldest daughter) had suddenly died.  I certainly was not hearing correctly.  I just "saw" her on face book a few short hours before.  We were complaining of the new layout.  In shock, I asked if she was sure and of course she was.  The day did not get any easier, I can assure you.  I had to wake up my own daughter to let her kow that her cousin and friend had left us.  The heart aches.  My sister and I split forces and I went  to get my dad and she went to get my mom.  Upon entering my brother's house, my heart hurt in a way that it never has.  The grief of my dear sister in law Cindy was so sad and I wanted to hug away her pain more than anything.  There is nothing to take away this awful feeling.  Melissa and Timothy had 3 beautiful children.  TJ, Tiana and Tamia.  Her world revolved around her children and her family.  She worked hard (2 jobs).  She worked for Wells Fargo and also taught at the Univiersity.  She was strong in her faith and active in her church.  I worry for my dear brother who is trying to hold it together for his family.  I worry for the children and how their lives are forever changed without the mother who loved them so much.  I worry for the grandparents having to live with the heartache of losing a grandchild.   I worry for Michelle and Melanie the younger sisters who will now take on the roles of being more than Aunt's to the children.  I worry for Timothy and all the heartache and sadness he must be feeling.  I worry for those of us left behind trying to deal with this terrible pain.  Yes, I know life goes on, but forever a piece of our hearts has died with Melissa.  I close my eyes and imagine her free and happy soaring with the angels trying to console the aching heart of her mother and holding on to her children. As the day ended, the pain stayed with me.  I thought about the quilt I had for her was un-done (like so many others) and now I can't give it to her.  I thought about how she would never again be in one of our "crazy" family pictures at Christmas.  I thought about when she was little and of the birthday parties in the front yard on Granada street.  Melissa-you are missed more than you will ever know. May you rest in peace and assurance that we will all gather around Timothy and your babies and love them forever.  I am proud to have known you all your life.  Aunt Carole


  1. It is so incredibly sad. I can't think of a harder thing for Timothy and the kids to go through, as well as the rest of her family and friends. Knowing I never get to talk to her again is very heart breaking.

  2. Yesterday early morning, I was woke up by my mother on the phone sobbing that something terrible had happened. My heart instantly started hurting before she could even get the words out that my cousin Melissa had suddenly died. I asked if she was sure...I was in so much disbelief! I looked down at the foot of my bed as my oldest child Aleyah stood at my bed. She kept asking me what was wrong. How do you find the words to tell a child that their God-Mother died? I listened to my mom as tears filled my eyes. I started to feel the pain that all of my family was feeling. As the word spread yesterday throughout our family and friends, no one can quite understand why God took her home so early. Just shy of her 30th birthday, her accomplishments in her short life, speak for the person that she was. As I sit here today and reflect on the beautiful life that she lived, I am so happy and blessed to have had her in my life. Being the eldest cousin of five beautiful girls on my mothers side, I am able to remember her whole life. Growing up we spent a lot of time together. From the birthday parties as children, singing in church, sports, swim lessons, vacation bible school, concerts we attended, boyfriends, friends, child birth, motherhood and life in general...I wish I had one more day to tell her that I love her! She was a person that I always saw as perfect! From being a straight "A" student in school (even skipping grades in elementary school because she was so smart) all the way through college, to being a strong woman in her career, in her faith and a wonderful mother of three beautiful children, which was her biggest joy in life!

    I struggled throughout the day yesterday as I talked to both of my children to explain to them that Melissa, their "Big Cousin"(that's what they call her), was now in heaven. My daughter sobbed. She had her own unique relationship with Melissa. I remember when I got pregnant with Aleyah. Melissa had just graduated from high school when Aleyah was born and told me she would be the best God-Mother ever...and she was. My son does not quite understand, but later in the evening saw her picture and said to me, "Mommy, why did my big cousin die?" obviously children understand more than we even know. Melissa and I shared many close mutual friends that go back as far as high school. I made several calls yesterday to tell them all the terrible news. Shortly after, my house began to fill with people. We all cried, laughed and reminisced about the good times that we shared.

    Melissa was the first of three daughters born to my Aunt Cindy & Uncle Robert, a big sister and friend to her two younger sisters Michelle & Melanie, a wonderful girlfriend, best friend and everything to Timothy and the best mother to her three beautiful children TJ, Tiana & Tamia. To me she was not only a cousin, but a true friend. Someone that I could confide in. To all of our Grandparents, I have never seen any of you cry until this sad day. I wish that we could go back and take away this pain.

    To my loving Cousin Melissa,
    You will be missed, but your beautiful spirit will live on forever through every life that you touched! I love you! Rest in peace and watch over all of us...Melissa Nikole Donati 9/19/1980 - 2/11/2010 #23

  3. I am a friend of Michelle...we went to Hood together. I just found the link to your blog on Melissa's fbook page. I am so very very sorry for your family's loss. I have been thinking about your family all day...and those kids. There's not much I can say, except I am truly sorry and I am happy I got to meet her when I visited Michelle. She was a sweet sweet person...and loved those kids for sure.

  4. Thank you for the post Aunt Carole & replies Jill & Brandi.

    There are so many things I'll miss about Melissa, my big sister & best friend.

    It's still so hard to believe that any of this is real.

    My heart is truly broken & will never be the same...

  5. There were so many parts of your family that I had not had a chance to meet b4 I left for Chicago, and now I am weary that there is one less beautiful person in this world that I won't have a chance to meet. To Cindy and Robert: I cannot imagine your pain but I know that the strength of your family and friends will carry you through this difficult time in your life. To Michelle and Melanie: I cannot say that I know the pain of lossing a sister, but I know the determination of big sisters and I can say without a doubt in my heart that she will be with you always. To Timothy and your 3 beautiful children: I know that you have a long hard road ahead of you but I wish you may find peace with this awful pain and surround yourself with the beautiful love and memory of Melissa. My thoughts and prayers are with whole family as you negotiate this dark time in your lives, but know that there soon will be light .

    All my love,
    (a friend of Jerry & Carole)